best friends.

There are very few things I take as serious as my friends. Which means a couple things. If you are counted among said friends I will do anything, sacrifice anything to be there for you if you are truly in need. And I'm also most likely to be the one who will get hurt.

I had a best friend growing up. We spent a lot of time together, had a lot of mutual interests. Hardly a weekend would pass where I was not at his house or he at mine. He taught me what a real friend is. After high school I had another best friend. We partied a lot and had some really amazing experiences. He was the first person I came out to. Not because I liked him but because I knew I could trust him. He taught me how to laugh. Shortly after I came out I met my ex. For 11 years he was my best friend. We shared everything. In the end we made much better friends than spouses (with one another) and I am totally ok with that. He taught me how to love.

In the last year and a half that I have been single I really haven't had that experience any more. It is hard for me. I'm just so used to having someone I can always text or call. To laugh with, to push boundaries with, to complain about the world with. I just don't have it anymore and it drives me crazy. I have a lot of friends. People who mean a great deal to me but not that one person. I've tried a couple times. A few people have came into my life and filled that role, more or less, for a short time. It didn't last with them for whatever reason (though I still consider them very good friends and love them dearly). I am oddly co-dependent I suppose. I will talk about being lonely but I don't even know if I am looking for a long-term boyfriend at this point ... though a fucking date would be nice. When I really explore what drives my loneliness it is not having that best friend. Not having that person to count on, to be on my side, to face the world with.

I don't worry about finding love again or getting laid. Those things come as they do. If it's meant to be for me again I will find it. If it's not, well, I found it once before and that's more than a lot of people can say. But I hate the idea of facing the world alone, quiet, and without a hand to cling to.

Maybe he's out there? Maybe he's already one of my friends? What will he teach me?

Until Then and Always
~ Jamie

on .. my new blog

Why am I blogging again? I have no fucking clue. All I know is that there is a ton of stuff that rumbles around in my head on any given day and I do not currently have an outlet to get it out. I doubt very many people will have an interest in what I have to share but I'm going to share it none-the-less. I have connected this account to my Facebook and to my Twitter so if you have clicked a link from either of those .. just run away before it gets too serious.

For those of you who found me another way, my name's Jamie. I'm 39 (nearly) and live in Akron, Ohio. I am a passionate, intense, fun loving, "catch your breath moment" seeking, gay man. I am a druid (neopagan/reformed), spiritualist, hedonist, humanist leaning poly-agnostic.

I have no specific goals or direction for this blog, it's just going to be about my life and whatever else comes tumbling out. Expect posts about friends and the places I visit, my work like, my religion, and deep, hard to follow posts about life, the universe, and everythang. 

Feel free to leave comments, here or at the facebook and twitter accounts above. 

Until Then and Always

~ Jamie