Where's the Community in my Alphabet Soup?

I was reading a press release today for a gathering of mid-western college students who identify as of a minority sexual orientation and/or gender identity/expression and those who consider themselves to be the allies of these people.

You know who these people are ... the GLBTs or maybe the LGBTs, I once saw them listed as BGLTs because that is the alphabetical order and that way no one group was put in front of the other. No idea if the person who thought of this was really that concerned with group dynamics or just had obsessive compulsive disorder. This press release, for the conference, listed them as the LGBTQIPAs which, I am sure you know, means Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Trans, Questioning, Intersexed, Pansexual, and Asexual. But that "P" there could mean something else entirely, I have no idea. To this I strongly assert, "what about the leather, non-kink, organic farmers? Why aren't we making a place for them at our table? Huh?" 

I like the word Queer. When you are speaking with me I might say something like, "queer folk don't wear funny hats! You're confusing us with the Pilgrims!" I use "queer" as an umbrella term for all people of a minority sexual orientation and/or gender identity/expression. But I have come to find out that some people really, really hate the word queer. They say it is a slur. It is no better, they claim, then calling them all Fags. Some people who identify as hyper-masculine (think leather daddies) don't like "queer" either considering its use regulated to effeminate gay men. Others have assured me that "queer" should only be used in the context of gender identity to describe someone of  a fluid or androgynous gender and never used to describe a sexual orientation. I'm going to keep using the word queer, most likely, but since the GLBTTQIPPKFAA "Community" has not yet elected me Lord-Gay-King of all the land (despite my obvious qualifications) I cannot expect everyone else to use it. Nor like me using it either.

Off with their heads! Darling!

Which brings me to my next point, No, not head. Is there such a thing as the GLBT community? I mean, you can have local communities. A civic leader might say the "West Lafayette Gay Community" and they would be right. There is a place called West Lafayette and gay people live there. They are in community. They might all hate each other, which is typical of many communities, but they are still in a community by nature of geography. So yeah, there is an American Gay Community. All that really means is that there are Gay people who live in America. The other way of defining community is as a shared identity and pursuing similar interests. This is where we start to break-down a little bit. Plenty of queer folk have banded together for common purpose to assert the rights of people of minority sexual orientation and/or gender identity/expression. This is often called Pride. We call it pride because for thousands of years we have been told we are shameful, damaged, deserving of death and subject to reparative rape, chemical or actual castration, and unrelenting violence. The movement began by people saying, "no more! I am proud of who I am and deserving as the same rights as everyone else" By saying, "I am PROUD of who I am!" Hence Gay Pride. Which turned into Gay and Lesbian Pride and eventually landed us in the FABGLITTER soup we are all in now. But "pride" isn't a community. Pride is a movement. Pride is not meant be representative of any one sub-set or any ideal measure of who we are as a people it is simply the pulling together of resources (including people) for the advancement of political and social change. We don't have to have the same shared identity or similar interests. We only have to be willing to work together to seek a better tomorrow.

I get frustrated with the idea that we must all be the same. The demand that we have to show to the world that we are better than what they claim we are -- even if that means not being ourselves. That we must be a "real" community. I don't even know what that is. I live in the community that is my neighborhood but there is a couple neighbors I hate with a red, hot, fiery passion and there are very, very few people with which I feel a distinct fellowship of shared identity and interests. And that's ok. Right now I don't need  a "community" at my back. Just my family, a couple close friends, a willingness of some smart and dedicated people working towards change, and my big bowl of alphabet soup.

Until Then and Always

~ Jamie